Archive for the ‘School Days’ Category

They Called Him Gimp

Monday, April 6th, 2009

“I told you not to go swimming,” she said.

She was angry, really angry. Mom never got angry, not like this, and she never cried, but she was crying.

“What’s wrong Mom,” I said, “you know I’m a good swimmer.”

“That’s not the point, I told you not to go swimming and I expect you to obey me,” she said.

Mom always had good reasons for her rules, she said it was dangerous but wouldn’t say why and being a boy, when my friends asked I went swimming anyway.

It was the year I learned what fear looks like in a mother’s eyes.

The day I went swimming was hot, 90 plus, the year was 1953, and I was eight years old. It was the year polio arrived like a freight train out of control, mowing down thousands of kids, kids my age with paralysis and worse. But, I didn’t know anyone who had the disease and it was hot.

A few years passed and so did my naïveté. Friends contracted the disease, I participated in a trial of a vaccine that would silence the nasty virus, though I had to get vaccinated twice, once in a trial and later when I found that I’d been given a placebo.

It wasn’t so bad, I didn’t get polio and Mom was not quite as worried as she might have been. She told herself that I had the real vaccine.

I called him Davey; the other boys called him gimp. His twisted limbs made walking difficult for him, and painful to watch. He had polio. The disease twisted his legs, and it took a steel brace to make it possible for him to walk.

Note to self, when Jimmy and Joey ask you why you are hanging out with the gimp, tell them he’s your friend, and that his name is Davey. They will laugh at you and tease you, but you don’t care. When Davey wants to join the pickup baseball game, choose him, there are more important things than winning.

The years passed, and I lost track of my friend, and forgot about the handicap he dealt with every day. A few years later I saw him again in high school. The memories flooded back when I saw him “walking” down the hall, the brace still in place. High School was different in some ways. The open taunts were gone, but were replaced by snickers from those who didn’t understand that it could have been them.

We went our separate ways after high school. I saw Davey a couple of times after that, but didn’t stop to talk. And now 40 plus years later I see his obituary in the local paper, his life over, undoubtedly shortened by the disease we all feared so much.

But we never learn, I see well meaning people blaming vaccinations for autism, and other ghastly things. They have no evidence, but it doesn’t seem to matter. They are taken in by the woo. They are taken in by the liars who make their livings catering to fear, not the fear we felt in the fifties before there was a vaccine, but the fear that paralyzes with inaction.

They are afraid, but have learned nothing from the past. They follow the woomeisters. The result is predictable. The childhood diseases are returning, and this time there is no reason for it.

Note to self, it was scientists not movie stars who found the answer to polio. It was scientists who did the hard work to develop the vaccines that time has demonstrated are effective and safe. They are the men and women who understand that correlation is not causation. And now they are being replaced by the woomeisters who haven’t learned the lessons of the past. They are the ones that make their appearances on the TV talk shows spouting bullshit. The celebrities who fancy themselves as experts in fields they know little about. They practice their make believe not just on the screen but where it can destroy lives. They are the ones we need to fear not the vaccines they rail against. If my friend Davey were still here, he would tell them.

Norman My Love

Saturday, May 19th, 2007

Who is this girl, that spurns Joey, Jimmy, and Bill for a guy named Norman. Why did John write about it, and Sue sing about it in her little girl voice, and why did my mother name me Norman? Why was I just turning 16 when this campy little song got stuck in everybody’s head, and why was I the only Norman in a school of over 2,000?

Why did everybody know my name, and why did I just want to get away? Why did all the hotties who had ignored me before suddenly want to serenade me on the way to class? And who changed the lyrics from Norman oooo, to Norman ew-ee-ew-ee-ew? The fact that it reached number three on Billboard was a plus for Sue who made it popular, but not for me. Why, please tell me why did the song stay popular in my school when it was no longer being played on the radio?

I graduated from high school in 1963 and spent six months in the army as part of my National Guard service. I trained at Fort Ord California where nobody knew my name, and where the singing was limited to marching songs about pussy and not looking at the ground. I escaped Vietnam by joining the Guard and thought I’d finally escaped the last mention of darlin’ Norman, but it was not to be. All it takes now is a family gathering and talk of music and the past, and my sweet sister is likely to break into song.

Norman is my only love
Norman's all I'm thinking of
Norman gives me all his lovin', kissin', huggin', lovey dovin'
Norman, Oooo, Norman, Oooo
Norman, Norman my love

What, you’ve never heard the song before? I invite you to listen:

Orgasm

Friday, January 12th, 2007

There is something magic about sharing our stories. No sooner do we share a favorite anecdote than we get one in return. I recently reminded my son Chris of how he had once confused the terms obstinance and abstinence, he laughed and then began to tell a story about a childhood friend of his. He told me that if I tell the story I should tell you his friend was a nice boy, a really nice boy. I think he was a momma’s boy, Chris didn’t say so, but I’ll bet he was.

Anyway the story is that this young man worked very hard at sticking to his principles. One principle was that he shouldn’t swear. He was already in the seventh grade, and claimed he had never sworn. I didn’t ask whether he had ever kissed a girl, but I’ll bet he hadn’t done that either. They, my son, the nice boy, and their posse had just finished science class. The lesson had been on the biology of the unseen world. They were leaving class when the nice boy said, “isn’t it amazing, all those little orgasms just floating around.” It wasn’t a swear word, but it might as well have been. Momma’s boy was heartbroken. It was as if he had missed a day of school and spoiled his perfect attendance record.

A few days later I was recounting the entire story to an employee of mine. I told her of how Chris had confused obstinance with abstinence, and then how Chris had told me of his friend who was amazed by all the little orgasms. She immediately recounted how she had overheard a conversation between her two young sons, the older was explaining something to the younger. She told how she distinctly heard the younger one say orgasm. Was the older giving the younger a lesson about sex? “What are you talking about,” she said to the older. “Relax Mom” he said, “he means organism.”

Obstinance

Sunday, January 7th, 2007

Going to school in Utah can be a little bit strange. You see, in Utah we don’t teach our children about sex in school because if they know about sex they will want to have sex, but we do teach them about drugs because if they know about drugs they won’t want to use drugs. So when my son told me he was going to learn about AIDS in school I wondered just what he’d learn. When I got home I found out.

“I know the best way to avoid AIDS,” he said.

“What’s that,” I asked.

“Obstinance Dad, obstinance,” he replied.

Lightning

Friday, June 16th, 2006

The subject was philosophy. Nietzsche, a philosopher well known for his dislike of Christianity and famous for his statement that ‘god is dead’, was the topic. Professor Hagen was lecturing and outside a thunderstorm was raging. It was a good one. Flashes of lighting were followed closely by ominous claps of thunder. Every time the professor would describe one of Nietzsche’s anti-christian views the thunder seemingly echoed his remarks. At the high-point of the lecture a bolt of lightning struck the ground near the classroom followed by a deafening clap of thunder. The professor, unconcerned, walked to the window opened it and starting jabbing at the sky with his umbrella. He yelled, you senile son of a bitch, your aim is getting worse.

Suffice it to say that some students were offended by his irreverent remark and brought it to the attention of the Department Head. The Department Head in turn took it to the Dean of Humanities who called the professor in for a meeting. The Dean reminded the professor that the students pay a lot of tuition and that he shouldn’t unnecessarily insult their beliefs. Oh, says the professor, and what beliefs are those? Well, you know the Dean says, most students attending this University are Christians. We can’t have you blaspheming during class. Surely says the professor, the merciful God of Christianity wouldn’t throw lightning bolts. It’s Zeus who throws lightning bolts.

Later the Dean spoke with the Department Head, and said, “the next time you have a problem with that professor you handle it, and let him make an ass out of you instead.”