Archive for the ‘Other’ Category

Mexican Wine

Thursday, January 1st, 2004

“Is this the missing sentence department?” I said.

“Wait your turn” she said.

I smiled, embarrassed by my lack of manners, but I was anxious to find my missing sentence. The fellow in front of me in line didn’t seem to mind. They continued.

“Have you seen my sentence?” he asks her.

“What sentence? What did it look like?”

“Um… it was kind of short, couple of verbs. It ended with a preposition, and though I know I’m not supposed to do that, it should make it easier to find.”

“No, I don’t think I’ve seen it.”

“Are you sure?”

1.

“Yes, I’d remember a sentence ending in a preposition.”

He turned to leave, his lip drooping just a bit. He blinked, were those tears beginning to form in his bright brown eyes. I felt compelled to offer consolation.

“Sorry,” I said. “The pain, I’ve lost a sentence or two in my time. That’s why I’m here one of mine has recently gone missing.”

“Sir, can you identify your sentence” she said.

“Well, I can tell you a bit about it, but the devil is in the details and if I had those I’d just rewrite it.”

“Enough of that sir, I’m not here for your abuse. Now would you like to tell me about this missing sentence.”

“The sentence was about a bell, the tolling of a bell”

“That sounds like a Hemingway sentence, sparse, precise, beautiful. Are you sure the sentence you’re looking for really belongs to you.”

“Yes of course, I distinctly remember writing it.”

“And you weren’t reading a Hemingway story just before you took pencil to paper.”

“Absolutely not.”

“All right sir but I’ll need more information, what else can you tell me.”

“Well it may be a run-on sentence, I’ve written many of those in my life, and this just may be one of them, if you know what I mean, does that help?”

“I’m sorry many of the sentences we have are run-on sentences, but you’re the first person I recall ever coming to look for one.”

“I was going to fix it. It had a nice ring to it. It flowed. I would really like to find it.”

“Run-ons are all in that box in the corner. You’re welcome to look, but I don’t want you running off with a sentence that doesn’t belong to you.”

“Thanks,” I said.

I searched for over an hour without success. I was surprised when I left to find the same fellow that had been in line in front of me standing just outside the entrance.

“I’ll write yours if you’ll write mine,” he said.

“How does that work? You know nothing about my sentence.”

“Doesn’t matter, you tell me a little about what you were trying to say and I’ll write a sentence for you, and then you do the same for me.”

“Uh, Uh”

“I’ll write yours if you’ll write mine or we could just share a glass of Mexican wine.”

“Hey, that was really a nice sentence. Do you mind if I use it? I already know where it goes.”

“Sure, just don’t lose it.”

  1. Steve Himmer Suspended Sentence

I Wanted The Cubs To Win

Wednesday, October 15th, 2003

Oakland let me down, they choked, and the Red Sox continued to play baseball. When the National League series started I wanted the Cubs to win. I loved it when they beat Atlanta, America’s team my ass, they can take their tomahawks and stick em right up their asses. I wanted the Cubs to win, but only if San Francisco lost.

I watched much of the Marlins - San Francisco series and discovered something. The Marlins just wanted it more, and besides they have some exciting players. Pierre, Cabrera, I like them, they play baseball the way I like to see it played. They play for fun, and full bore. But, Chicago has been patient, hell it was 1945 when they were last in the World Series, the year I was born. That is a long time, and 1908 since they won one. I’m sure there are a few Cub’s Fans that feel some sense of continuity with the past, but for most they wear the traditions like ill fitting clothes. It’s cool to be a Cubs Fan.

I wanted Chicago to win, but every time I see Kerry Wood, I think asshole. I don’t really know much about Kerry Wood other than he knows how to pitch. He may be a really nice fellow, but he looks like an asshole, but I wanted the Cubs to win. Then there is Prior, a hell of a pitcher to be sure. He’s impressive, he’s disciplined, he’s effective, and why shouldn’t he be. He’s had the best training from the day he got out of his diapers and Dad handed him a baseball. Yet, having talent, and all the breaks is not enough in baseball. You have to do it on the field, just ask Michael Jordan. So Mark Prior is simply said, awesome, but maybe just a bit too neat for my taste.

But I wanted the Cubs to win, even though I don’t much like Sammy, who when they found the cork in his bat took it and stuck it up his ass. I live for this they say. in the cute little ad campaign, meant to get us all excited about baseball, but I don’t need it. I’ve loved the game from the first time I held a bat, and my Mom pitched pepper to me, and then at Grandma’s when I hit that mighty shot through her front window, and all she could say to my Grandfather was can you believe that, did you see that hit. I love the game, I grew up watching Mickey and the Duke, and Don Larsen’s perfect game and, and … But I wanted the Cubs to win, then Pierre would lead off and I found myself hoping he would get on base for the sheer excitement it generated. And when the 20 year old Cabrerra played he was the real deal.

I wanted the Cubs to win. When they fell behind in the final game, I was hoping they would pull it out. The little old lady on the front row with the knit cap with tears in her eyes broke my heart. I wanted the Cubs to win, but they didn’t. They played more to win than to have fun and somewhere along the way they lost what it is to play baseball. Their fans suffered the same fate. They got angry with a fellow fan, a lover of the game, a Cubs Fan, innocently going for a souvenier, and found a way to blame him for the teams failing. They like the team lost what is good, what is fun, what is baseball. I wanted the Cubs to win, but I’ll be cheering for the Marlins. I believe they’ll go all the way.

A Good Cup Of Coffee

Wednesday, April 17th, 2002

I started drinking coffee in 1962. I remember ordering some coffee at the local greasy spoon. It was the typical fare, weak, black coffee, to which I quickly added sugar and cream to make it palatable. I grew up in Utah where drinking coffee is a sin. Postum a cereal beverage courtesy of Mr Charles William Post, was the substitute the Mormons used to remain pure. So in Utah drinking coffee is a coming of age activity. I eventually acquired a taste for the beverage and it wasn’t long before I was drinking it regularly and black. I went along for years drinking the very best brew Folgers (good to the last drop) from the local grocery store, no Starbucks no Peet’s, at least not in Utah. In fact the coffee bar phenomenon reached Utah about five years behind the rest of the country, but of course that’s Utah.

It was 1986; I was traveling to Northern California, San Mateo to be exact to help my brother set up a computer system. We had just opened a branch office of the family collection agency, and of course computers were a great advantage in those days, not every small business had one.

Our first computer was manufactured by Ohio Scientific and used the famous 6502 processor also used in the first Apple, and Commodore computers. Of course the Ohio Scientific was a Business Computer. It was about the only Micro to support multiple users. Not a networked setup, but four terminals, (I’m sorry for this interruption but I simply must. We used Soroc terminals. The story is that the guys that designed the Soroc terminal were having trouble coming up with a name. They were sitting around drinking Coors beer and there you have it Soroc an anagram for coors) and one lowly 6502, a giant 23 Megabyte Seagate Hard drive, even file and record locking were supported.

It is amazing I think back how truly functional it was. Running a very fast BASIC, performance was perfectly acceptable. But I’m getting off track here this is about coffee. So I’m in San Mateo setting up this computer and training my brother on the software. Each morning on the way to office, he lived in Los Gatos at the time, we stopped at Peet’s Coffee on the way to work. The first day we stopped I got what must have been the house blend or coffee of the day, whatever they called it then. We walked out the front door and I took my first sip of real coffee. Well, I don’t recall now, but it either put hair on my chest or removed it. “Holy shit,” I said, “This is strong. How can you drink coffee like this”. My brother gave me a look I didn’t recognize at the time, but it wouldn’t be long until I did. Back at the office I added a bit of cold water, and was pleased. He smiled.

The next day it was back to Peet’s, I ordered a cup of the daily brew and then added, could you add a little water to that, you make really strong coffee here. I can’t describe the look on his face was he amused, pissed, I wasn’t sure. His reaction however was quick and decisive. Loud enough for the entire clientele to hear he said “No”, and then to the customers, “Can you believe it, this bozo he wants me to add water to his coffee.” The whole place erupted everything from polite giggles to loud guffaws. Damn was I embarrassed. I’m fortunate he didn’t know I was from Utah he would certainly have said “You ought to be drinking Postum. I couldn’t get out of place fast enough, but by the end of week I was acquiring a taste for this new breed of coffee.

When I returned home, I soon discovered where to buy real coffee, even in Utah. The Salt Lake Roasting Company, roasts some quality beans. The other night I somehow stumbled across Peet’s site on the Internet. I couldn’t resist. I ordered a couple of pounds of my favorite, “French Roast”. It arrived today, and tonight as I’m writing this I’m enjoying cup of Peet’s finest.

On The Road

Tuesday, April 2nd, 2002

Every year I say we should fly to Arizona to visit my Father In Law and every year we drive the 750 torturous miles from Salt Lake to Yuma Arizona. It is I suppose my wife’s fear of flying that decides it. She has come to tolerate a major airline but no way am I going to get her into a propeller driven plane that looks like a giant cigar. No major airlines land in Yuma so we would have to be fly to Phoenix and then catch the cigar to Yuma. I know we could simply fly into Phoenix then take a bus or van or some such to Yuma, but that would be 150 miles on the road and hell there is really not a lot of difference between 150 and 750 really.

So off we go Thursday afternoon, headed for Mesquite Nevada, and my father’s condo. I’ve learned that driving 750 miles straight through is even dumber than driving in the first place. So three hundred miles of uneventful low flying down Interstate 15 until we reach the Virgin River Gorge you remember a Million Dollars A Mile I couldn’t resist another picture of the Gorge. A little dinner at the Casablanca not good. There was a time when I thought casino food was good and cheap, now its just cheap. A little culinary treat one would expect eating at the local choke and puke. Twenty, Forty, Sixty dollars into the tightest slots in Nevada and we’ve had our fun at that casino. Why the hell do we gamble anyway. The signs say guaranteed 96% return. I believe that means that if I invest my money there they guarantee to return less than I invest. So on to the Virgin River Casino another Twenty in the Slots. Perhaps the Blackjack table will be kind. I start with fifty dollars an hour later I have only ten. Time to quit, but you know how gambling is it kind of sucks you in. There is the Roulette Table. Five dollars on the nine five dollars on the eleven and holy shit I hit the nine One hundred seventy-five dollars back in my pocket, and I didn’t let the terrorists win.

On the way back to the condo we note the new casino in town, well not really new it just has a new name. Gail says do you want to spend a buck or two in there. No way I say, did you see what they named it. The Eureka, no way in hell I’m going to take my money into a building named after a vacuum cleaner. I fully expected to see a flashing sign saying come on in we’ll clean you out in no time.

The next day we complete the second half of the trip mostly two lane roads filled with FUV’s (fucking utility vehicles). Between Las Vegas and Searchlight we are listening to Depche Mode on the stereo. My son Tim tells me the title of the song is Comatose it occurs to me that Morrisey is probably planning a lawsuit, what the fuck do they think they’re doing don’t they know that’s my trademark.

Near Quartzite

We continue on to Needles, Parker, Quartzite. Quartzite is a favorite spot of the Snowbirds during the winter. They all park there RV’s out in the desert and tell each other what a great time they’re having. Their entertainmeant consists of playing cards and buying and selling their crafts. It’s a little bit like a giant Ebay in the desert. But damn the desert is beautiful. I love the Joshua Trees, and the Saguaro cactuses.

We had a nice visit with Gail’s dad Earl. He just celebrated his 83rd birthday, and about a week ago had the seventh hole-in-one of his long romance with the game of golf.

Three In A Row

Sunday, March 24th, 2002

A ridge of granite rising from left to right casts a shadow on a lone pine, and below a forest of green covering all but the most rugged gray granite poking through. It is difficult to imagine the pain they must have suffered or what a grizzly bear was doing in northern Utah. Rex Stewart and his bride Cecile were found near Alta Utah. A forest service employee doing routine maintenance on a popular hiking trail found their badly mauled bodies Monday afternoon. Why the bear was there was only part of the mystery. Why the newlyweds were there was equally puzzling.

They had been on their way to Lake Tahoe, with no reason to stop in Utah, except to fill the tank of their red BMW with gas. The police asked me to help in the investigation. Why, well they were quickly discovering how paranoid chess players are and needed someone on the inside. Rex was an internationally known chess player, with a penchant for pissing people off. A giant ego, but of course that was true of most chess players. I was apparently the only one in the entire state that knew who he was. That and my ability to untangle some nasty disputes at the chessboard were my only qualifications.

I’m Matt Finley, an international arbiter, and sometime chess player. I enjoy playing, but know I wont get much better. Fortunately I’ve been able to stay around the game I love as an enforcer of the rules. Rex and Cecile had intended to honeymoon in Tahoe since the Tahoe Open chess tournament was scheduled to begin the following weekend. Rex was just barely welcome at the Tahoe event since he and Bronson the tournament organizer could never seem to agree on the rules. Bronson had some rule variations he liked to implement and while legal, were different from the standard fare and that seemed to create bad feelings. Bronson ruled his tournaments with an iron hand. I had intended to play, one of the few tournaments I play in each year, but now I was here to see if I could find any leads into the Stewarts deaths. The third round was underway when I arrived. I love the sight of a tournament in progress. Row after row of checkered boards, players sitting like statues with only an occasional twitch, or a knee bouncing up and down. One player I particularly enjoyed watching twisted his air around his finger over and over totally unaware of the mannerism. Tournament chess is stressful. Blood pressure rises respiration increases there is palpable tension in the air. The only sound is of the two faced clocks ticking and an audible click as each move is completed and the button atop the clock is pushed starting the opponents clock.

The investigation in Utah hadn’t made much progress. There were some bear tracks but even those had been confusing and the trail had been lost.

I hadn’t missed much. The top players seldom get a challenging game early in a Swiss System tournament, the type most commonly found in the United States. The first half of the players ranked by rating are paired with the second half. In subsequent rounds players with the same scores are paired with each other. The player with the highest score at the end of the tournament in this case after seven rounds, wins. “Hi John”, I said.

John Bronson the tournament organizer came out of the director’s room. “Hi Matt,” he replied. “Looks like it will be another sensational tournament for you” I said. “Yes” he said. “We have 23 Grandmasters, 28 International Masters and $50,000 in prize money, our best so far. I thought you were playing in this one”. I was then the business with Rex came up and I was delayed. They have asked for my help since I know the chess world.” I said, “He was scheduled to play here wasn’t he?” “Unfortunately, I don’t mean to speak ill of the dead, but he was a pain in the ass to have in a tournament”, he said. When was the last time you saw Rex?” “Huh, I don’t know why do you ask.” He said “I’m just trying to figure out how he ended up in Alta Utah. Did he mail in his entry?” I said “I’d have to check with over 300 entries no way I could remember them all.” He said “Well, think about it John and let me know” I said. I started to leave when John said “Matt, you know it wouldn’t surprise me if that Russian Dimitri Ivanov was involved he and Rex were involved in a dispute at the National Open in Las Vegas. Rex accused Dimitri of cheating. Dimitri and a fifth of Vodka didn’t take kindly to the accusations. Security took care of them before they hurt themselves”. “Thanks John it doesn’t surprise me, the Russians don’t like to be accused of cheating.” I said “Who does”, said John “Your right of course”, I said

There were no major upsets in the third round. The fourth round would see the titled players start going at each other. I walked through the tournament hall; just a few games were still in progress. A couple of players in the beginners section were playing on with only their Kings the position is drawn there is no way to lose. One young player was sitting in the corner stacking all the pieces in a sort of tower, strange. Hi Dimitri” I said. He had just finished analyzing his game with Tal Kermalinsky a talented FIDE master. “Hi Matt, I haven’t seen you since Los Angeles you missed Las Vegas this year.” He said “Yes, it was unavoidable I had some business at home. Heard I missed some great chess,” I said… Yes, you missed my great victory. Said Dimitri “I saw the reports that you won, but why 6-0 all you needed was a draw in the last round. “Did the organizers offer an extra thousand for a perfect score?” I said. No I just didn’t feel like giving Walter an easy draw. The last time we played I beat him and he said we was unprepared, and that it would never happen again. I found a line from a training match Botvinnik played in 1951 against Smyslov. I don’t think Walter had seen it. Ha Ha. Botvinnik played lots of training matches over the years, but they were kept secret. “You’re just getting crafty,” I said. Ha Ha like a computer, he said. “Did you hear about Rex?” I asked Yes, wild animals killed him. “And his wife Cecile “, I said “That is very sad”, said Dimitri. “I’m helping in the investigation and trying to find out when he registered for this tournament”. I said “That’s easy,” said Dimitri, “he registered the same time I did”. “When was that?” I asked At the National Open” said Dimitri “John Bronson was there lining up the book concession and directors for his tournament. John joined Rex and I at our table. It was then that we both told John we would be coming to Tahoe for his famous tournament Ha Ha”. “He wrote it down in his notebook, so he wouldn’t forget” he said. “Well good luck in the tournament. ” “Thanks”, said Dimitri. When I got back to my room the light on my phone was flashing. I called the desk. “You have a message for me” I said, “Finley room 347″. Yes Mr. Finley a Mr. Jones a detective with the Salt Lake City Police asked for you to call. He says it’s important. I dialed the number immediately, a pleasant voice answered on the second ring. POLICE Delores Green speaking. Ms Green this is Matt Finely and I received a message to contact detective Jones. Yes Frank Jones, just a moment. Matt, Frank Jones here there has been a break in the case. The forest service found some additional tracks it now appears that what we have is a grizzly mother and her cubs. A mother grizzly is dangerous to encounter anytime, but away from home, deadly. A truck and trailer used for transporting bears between Yellowstone and (Klamath Falls) was found in a creek bed not far from where Rex and Cecile were found. The truck was abandoned. Someone left in a hurry he left some chess gear and other personal things. We think the gay is named Walter Gray do you know him. Yes I know him. Sad case, drugs alcohol was a child prodigy last I heard he was dealing cards in Reno. . We would like you to come back to Utah and go through his personal effects maybe this is the break we’ve been looking for. I took the five o’clock Delta flight. I was in Salt Lake at seven thirty. Detective Jones was waiting for me. We took the 15minute drive into town in 10 minutes, are all law enforcement types this aggressive. Walter hadn’t left much but what he had left was very interesting, a knapsack, with chess set, clock, and the latest Informant. Informants are collections of current GM games published three times a year. Walter had obviously renewed his interest in Chess. The latest issue of Chess life with several upcoming tournaments underlined. Jones said, “We found this scrap of paper on the floor of the truck. It’s a map of the area. Mr. Gray must have brought the bears up this canyon and released them moments before Rex and Cecile came this way. It was damn near certain that the mother would attack perceiving a threat to the cubs. ” Let me see that”, I said. On one side a map of the area, but when I turned it over my heart stopped. It was a partial list of chess rules. Rules I recognized immediately. Colors will not be changed for alternation or equalization simply to preserve color. You will play the proper player sometimes this will entail playing the black pieces three times in a row. John Bronson runs the only tournament I know of with these rules. Detective Jones and I caught the first plane back to Reno and rented a car for the drive to Tahoe. John had already finished the pairings for the last round. The staff said he was getting a bite to eat. We headed for the restaurant Dimitri was coming from the opposite direction. Hi Matt Hi Dimitri you winning, I said “Five and a half points I took a draw from Gary it guarantees me at least a tie for first.” He said “Good job Dimitri. We have to hurry we are going to the restaurant to find John” I said. You won’t find him there, said Dimitri I saw him get in a cab for the airport said he was picking up a player. Strange picking up a player at the end of a tournament. Ha Ha. Detective Jones went to the nearest phone, while I waited the beginning of the end for John Bronson was starting. The authorities were there in minutes. John was apprehended with $100,000. The prizes and receipts from the tournament. He had felt us closing in, but a few extra minutes watching the game between Browne and Christiansen had cost him a possible escape. Rex had found out about a felony conviction for child molestation against Bronson some years before. When Rex revealed it to the USCF board of directors. John would be out of chess organizing. Walter Gray had been doing some work for John and discovered the same information. But he had thought of blackmail. When he confronted John. John laughed Rex already knows and is going to reveal it at the Tahoe Open, and your blackmailing days will be over. Walter’s imagination started working overtime, just like any good chess player, came up with a plan and stole the bears as they were leaving Wyoming. Two drivers each thinking the other had this run, returned home not realizing the bears were missing. Walter knew Rex was stopping in Salt Lake not only for gas but to spend the night

He persuaded Rex and Cecile that the Utah Rockies were something they shouldn’t miss. A day they would never forget he told them. He gave them directions telling them he would meet them at a small lake one mile from the trailhead, and the rest you know. I helped a depressed staff finish up the tournament. There were some boo’s when they found out the prize money was evidence, but Detective Jones had told me it would probably be released in less than a month, that news kept them happy. I’m on my way to Los Angeles for the American Open; this time I’ll be wearing my arbiter’s hat. I read a small item in the Los Angeles times when I arrived about a mother Grizzly and two cubs being found 70 miles from Yellowstone and Home. I guess two freeways weren’t too much to negotiate for a determined bear. Dimitri went on to win the American Open as well making it three majors in a row. At 48 he was still playing inspired chess. The tournament was a success from my vantage point, great chess and no major disputes. In Yellowstone the bears are beginning their hibernation. Walter Gray’s body was found some months later also a victim of the bears. Bet he’d like to take that move back.