I got a really close shave this morning, really close. I’ve noticed that I’ve been getting more close shaves the older I get. I don’t know whether it’s because I’ve had so much practice, I have been shaving for over forty years now, or if it’s because I have fewer whiskers now that I’m older. I don’t think it’s the practice. I’ve been shaving the same way for years, nor do I think I have fewer whiskers because if that were true my wife wouldn’t complain so often about the mess I sometimes leave in the shower.
I shave in the shower. I like the way the hot water, and the steam, and the soap combines to soften my whiskers before I shave. I used to do the shaving without a mirror; I was confident in my ability. I don’t do that anymore. It’s not that I think I have less skill, but I’m now more aware of the dangers of sharp blades, and tender skin, and not watching what you’re doing while your doing it. So now I have a mirror attached to the wall of the shower with a suction cup. The mirror is always fogged up by the time I get around to shaving and so I have to clear it before I begin.
I have a system in the shower, I soap myself and making sure I don’t miss any cracks, rinse and repeat. I follow that with shampoo, briskly working up a lather, and then I rinse, and repeat. The second time through I work a little of the shampoo into my beard to soften it up some more, and then I begin shaving.
I have a razor with five blades, one blade for each decade I’ve been shaving. I begin with the sides, usually left then right, followed by above the lip and then below paying particular attention to my chin. The whiskers on my neck get an upward stroke except on mornings when I remember the Danny Glover character Murtaugh in the movie “Lethal Weapon” teaching his son Nick to shave going with the grain. On those mornings, I take a few downward strokes following the course laid out by the LA police. I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of the law.
A few days ago I figured it out why my shaves are getting better. I read on the internet a bit on short-term memory. It, the short-term memory, apparently gets worse as you get older. You know, you walk into a room and can’t remember why you’re there, or you go to the store for a single item and return with everything but that item.
I’m now reasonably sure that some mornings I’m shaving more than once, which means I’m probably washing my hair more than once, and soaping myself down more than once. Maybe that’s why my skin is so dry and why I’m using more lotion.
I’m going to the store later today to get some lotion. I’ll put it on my list . . .
I arrive at the store. I have my list right here in my back pocket. Wait, I have the list right here in my shirt pocket.
Damn!
“Honey, I’m at the store. There is a grocery list on the table, yes the kitchen table, can you read it to me.”
“What, yes I know there is only one item on it. Yes, I know with one item it’s not really a list.”
“Lotion, thanks.”
I wonder what would have happened if my wife hadn’t been at home. I would probably have had to go home for my list. But, she was there and I got the lotion, but it was a close shave.
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