The Violin
It was 1953, the year before ‘one Nation under God’ was added to the Pledge of Allegiance. I was eight, and I spent my afternoons practicing the violin. “Can I go out and play with Jim,” I asked my mother. Jim played the trumpet, and his mom made damn sure he practiced every day. “Have you finished your homework,” she said. “Didn’t have any,” I replied. “Have you practiced yet?” she said. The only condition Mom had placed on the use of her beautiful violin was that I promised to practice every day. So I went to my room took out the violin and practiced.
It went well for a day or two, and then I realized the violin was not for me. I lasted a week at school before quitting, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell Mom, so day after day I went to my room and pretended to practice, putting off the day of reckoning. I no longer played at school, and I sometimes forgot to take the violin with me. When I got home Mom would mention it and I lied that we didn’t play that day. It was getting more complicated with each passing day, but I didn’t want to disappoint my mom.
I felt as though I’d be letting her down, she had trusted me with the violin her brother Merle had purchased for her, the violin, a Morelli dated 1750. So I did my best to maintain the charade, but with no motivation, and no one to teach me, practice became nothing more than pretending to play. It was working though, Mom didn’t say anything. My pretend playing must have sounded good. I continued day after day, though I was starting to get worried, my pretend playing wasn’t getting any better, and there was a parent-teacher conference coming soon.
I put it off for a few more days, but that didn’t make it any easier. So the next day when Mom reminded me that it was time to practice I said I had something I needed to tell her, with tears welling in my eyes, I explained that I had given up on the violin, she said I know. I told her how my practice had just been pretend, and she said I know. I told her how it had been going on for weeks, and she said I know. The relief of having finally told the truth had its effect. My tears started to dry, the tension I’d been feeling left and my thoughts cleared. “Did you say you already knew,” I said. She smiled. “I’ve known for weeks,” she said. “I would have told you sooner Mom, but didn’t want to disappoint you,” I said. “You didn’t disappoint me honey.” she said. ” I know it was really hard for you to tell me, and I’m proud that you came to me. There will be many times in your life when it will be hard to do the right thing, but now you’ll know how. “